I did my ninja dance and then carried on with my day. I hopped into the passenger seat with my book bag that weighed at least a hundred and forty two pounds.
“You ready?” My father asked putting the car in reverse.
“Yeah.” I huffed, already dreading going to school.
But then the unexpected happened. This gigantic arachnid scampered ACROSS MY FACE. It raced from my forehead down to my left cheek bone, back across my hair. Now normally I’m okay with spiders if I see them before hand but that day Itsy Bitsy had crossed the line.
It took all of five seconds for him to run across my face, just enough time to stop my heart and throw me into a tantrum the likes of which none had ever seen before.
My dad was looking at his side mirror (that’s how he backed up) and had just took his foot off the brake when I went into a mad hysteria of screaming and flailing about. I screamed so loud the first time it echoed in the car but I didn’t stop there, I let out a series of screams that had few to little breaks.
Somehow I got my foot out from under my book bag and began stopping the dashboard in order to thrust myself backwards away from the spider. Which didn’t really work, it was still on my head. I repeated the move again, stomping the dash with my foot, almost kneeing myself in the face, while I began slapping myself in the head- trying to knock the spider off.
My father who had yet to see the spider, slammed on the brakes and watched in awe at my emotional break down. I remember glancing up at him between the kicking and swatting, somewhere between the third and fourth dashboard assault; the man was looking at me like I needed a straight jacket. I was trying to simultaneously swat at my head and unbuckle my seat belt but was unsuccessful.
I’m not sure what Itsy Bitsy’s thought process was at this point but I’m sure he just wanted to get as far away from my self-taught taekwondo moves as he could. He hopped from my head onto the center console. That’s when my dad finally saw him. He looked at the spider in disbelief and then I saw a glimpse of relief go across his face when he realized I hadn’t completely lost my mind. I’m pretty sure Itsy didn’t have anything nice to say to me as he dashed off.
“Are you alright?” My dad asked, still watching the spider.
He looked up just in time to see me jerk my seat belt off, push the door open, and jerk my coat off. I stripped from the car all the way into the house. I was in the bathroom rocking back and forth in the corner when I heard him talking to my mom. (He apparently shut the car off and came inside.)
“I didn’t know what happened,” he said.
There was a short pause, I’m assuming my mom said something, and then he replied, “Well she kicked it off her forehead!”
Happy Father’s Day everyone.