Most teenage girls try to look cute and keep an eye out for ‘the one’ but let’s be real, I’ve never really been one to do all that. People were lucky I wore makeup and brushed my hair. Plus, I have more important things to do; like eat. I didn’t find Mr. Perfect that day, what I did find however was my topic for my next therapy session.
They sat us at our booth, we got the one at the end and I chose the side that had a fancy little hook up attached to the back of my seat. It was a plate holder; I’m not sure why I noticed it. The thing was almost packed full of plates. I sat down and started looking through the menu.
Our order had just made it out to the table when I happened to glance over into the crowd. There was a woman walking towards our booth, she was a waitress there and she seemed to be focused on something. She was a larger woman, very beautiful-with a strong personality. She moved through the crowd intent on getting to wherever she was going. She stopped literally right beside my seat in order to let someone from the kitchen pass by with a tray full of food and for a brief moment we made eye contact. Which I try not to do for many reasons, this is one.
While looking straight at me she said, “Excuse me honey, I need to go beat this..” (Well you know.)
So let’s stop right there for a minute. On a side note, I have never in my life fought another person, nor do I want to. I don’t like conflict, I don’t like screaming and yelling, I don’t want to be shoved or punched. In plain terms, I don’t fight. You could even go so far as to say, I can’t fight. I can’t walk without tripping and you’ve probably read my blog about the ‘one’ time I did decide to run- spoiler alert: It didn’t work out. I’m not agile in any sense of the word. I’ve seen a few fights and it seems to me you’ve got to have some pretty good hand-eye coordination, which is another thing I do not possess. So I know better, I’d get killed if I ever tried it. I’m more of a ‘stand to the side in wide eyed disbelief as things unfold' person.
This is no secret either. I have told my family, friends, and colleagues point blank, “If you’re ever with me, don’t get into a fight. If you do, don’t expect me to get involved. I won’t. I’ll be over in the corner praying for you or calling an ambulance but that’s going to be the extent of my involvement.”
So that being said, I looked straight back at her and said, “Okay.”
I’ll admit, it was something of a bewildered ‘okay’, somewhere between ‘stranger danger’ and ‘check please’. The lady passed by me and was gone. I thought that was strange and mentioned it to my cousin who just laughed it off. I had no clue why the woman was upset and had no plans to get involved, I just hoped whoever she was going for was ready. She was MAD.
I had a mouth FULL of mashed potatoes when all those dishes I mentioned earlier came crashing over in a sudden whirlwind of hysteria. At first I thought someone had tripped and lost their food, until I looked over my shoulder just in time to see the waitress throw this other girl towards my direction.
And no, I don’t mean she pushed her in that general direction or that the girl moved willingly in the direction. This waitress THREW this stick of a woman out into the middle of the floor. In their sudden altercation they both tripped over one another and fell. So now the waitress is on top of the woman, they’re screaming and yelling; pulling hair. Then they began to roll across the floor as they hit each other, and rolled RIGHT INTO MY SEAT!
It almost seemed to go in slow motion until I realized they were about to climb into my lap. I stood up quickly in my seat at the booth as they rolled under our table and then back out again. At that point, I’m done; I’m leaving. Or at least I want to but the problem is, I can’t. I’m cornered. They’re in front of me cutting off my only escape route, if I go across the table I land in someone else’s lunch, if I go over the back of my seat I land in a pile of broken dishes and behind me is a wall that goes at least eight feet before reaching the next booth. I’ve mentioned before I can’t walk or run, would it shock you if I told you I can’t jump either?
Standing there on my booth seat I watched as this waitress tossed this girl around like a rag doll, under our table, over it- I couldn’t believe it. I looked at my cousin who was just as stunned as I was.
I remember yelling, “We need to leave.”
Like she could do something about it.
We were both stuck there as everyone watched these girls rip each other a part. Then out of the kitchen door tore this mass of testosterone (about 5-8 male kitchen staff) they flooded over the two women in order to pull them apart.
They were screaming, “Just stop.”
I remember thinking, that’s cute.
Of course, the women didn’t listen and continued on. The show wasn’t over though, before these guys could get them apart another herd of men (who didn’t work there), crashed through the front door. They also had about five to eight guys in their group. Sorry I didn’t get a total count during all the commotion. These guys jumped the kitchen staff and an all out brawl ensued.
I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. Dishes and trays are falling, people are getting up and moving (not me though, cause I’m stuck!)
I was in the middle of yelling, “This is ridiculous,” while simultaneously doubting my life’s decisions up until that point, when another herd of kitchen staff ran out to help the others.
One of the men that had burst through the front door yelled, “Get off her, she didn’t start it.”
So apparently these guys from outside knew one of the women and thought the whole kitchen staff had jumped her? I have no clue. I still to this day don’t know what the fight was about.
Someone somewhere had called the cops and I noticed them walk in the door. And just like that, it was over. Everyone shot in different directions and the fighting was done.
Likewise, I shot off my booth and headed for the door. No way was I staying there another minute. There was nothing that would stop me from leaving-or so I thought-until I caught a glimpse of who was standing in the doorway. The waitress stood there holding the door open for people to walk through. I was so stunned, I accidentally made eye contact again.
Recognizing me she said, “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the apology. Even more, I appreciate the fact that she didn’t involve me anymore than I had been.
I managed a nervous little laugh in response as I slid out the door away from her. I simply wanted to gain access to the car- where I felt safe; which I did.
And do you know what else I gained access to from that experience? Food poisoning-I guess they were too busy with other things to cook the food properly.