As they got closer I noticed it was actually two people walking towards me. I was hoping they’d walk by me but they of course, stopped right beside me. I had every intention of helping them until I caught a glimpse of them.
Standing beside me was a man in his twenties holding a pamphlet of some sort and he smiled at me. It was then I realized he wasn’t wearing any clothes. With the exception of a miserable attempt at a loin cloth, this man was naked.
Now I know who you’re thinking of. It wasn’t him.
I involuntarily looked this guy up and down once before I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Can I help you?”
This was about all I could manage. I was and still am, social awkward and this sent me over the top. I simply shut down.
Without missing a beat he held out his pamphlet and said, “I am the first born man child of our fairy play. Would you like to come watch it this Saturday?”
It was then I noticed the woman standing behind him. She was wearing a sun dress and was FILMING the whole interaction. She smiled when I looked over at her. I turned back to the man child, feeling pressured to keep strict eye contact.
“I have to work.”
It was a very dry reply but it was all I had left in me.
He nodded like he understood and slipped the pamphlet onto my station.
“The address is on there if you change your mind.”
With that they turned and proceeded through the store. They were walking through the freezer section when an elderly couple caught sight of them. They nearly crashed their buggy into the frozen pies as the two passed by them.
I turned back to my screen, unsure of what had just happened. Don’t get me wrong, I gave them props for marketing but I needed some type of warning for something like that.
It was about ten minutes after my first encounter when I heard my manger yell, “Are you kidding me?”
I looked up to see him running for the door; I turned to look out the front windows to see what had him so upset.
Evidently this first born man child had decided to live life to the fullest by showing the world what he had to offer. The windows quickly filled up with onlookers as we watched him streak across the parking lot with my manager hot on his heels. It only lasted a lap however before ‘man child’ jumped into a car and sped off, leaving behind his loin cloth for us to remember him by.
I shook my head in disbelief and walked back to my station. There was no way I got paid enough for this. That was also the most random marketing campaign I had ever seen.
I was in the middle of helping a customer with one of their items when I heard another commotion outside. It had been at least twenty minutes before the last commotion. Everyone was running for the windows again when I looked up. I heard someone say, “He’s back.”
I wasn’t going towards the windows again, if it was the man child, I had seen what he had to offer and was not interested.
Some onlooker yelled, “Oh my gosh!”
Another yelled, “What is he doing?”
I wouldn’t say I was tempted to look out the window; it was more of a concern now because of customer’s reactions.
“Somebody call the cops!”
That did it. I rushed to the window again just as one of the small islands in our parking lot went up in flames. Man child was gone and my manager was stomping the ground violently trying to put it out. I couldn’t hear what he was shouting but I could imagine what he was saying.
Long story short, the cops showed up, man child disappeared, and my manager came back inside; followed by the distinct smell of burnt rubber.
To answer your question, I never attended that play. I figured if that was the opener-I probably wouldn’t survive the actual show.