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So Your Dog Didn't Eat Marijuana

5/3/2020

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My dog Belle had just helped herself to an entire bag of Reese’s cups, the family size pack, when I walked into the room. Foil and all, she swallowed the contents of the entire bag. She pulled her head out of my bag, licking her lips with the guiltiest look I had even seen. When I realized what she had just done, I panicked. Chocolate isn’t good for dogs and I’m sure the foil on each individual piece wouldn’t have good results either.

Before we move on with the story, I’ll go ahead and answer your questions. Yes, I had an entire ‘family’ size bag of Reese’s cups in my bag. Yes, I had planned to eat them all myself. No, I don’t feel bad about it. So, don’t judge me.

I called the vet and they told me to watch her for a few hours. They told me she would have bad diarrhea and vomit but should be fine. Which she did. Party at my house! A few hours passed by and then she had an accident in the floor. She had wet herself before she could make it outside. That was okay, given the circumstances, I understood. But when she did it a second time within the same hour, I got concerned. I just knew there was a piece of foil lodged somewhere, messing something up inside her.

We rushed her to the vet where I explained everything to the receptionist. We followed one of the vet techs into a room where I told her the same story. Family size bag of chocolate, all gone; with the foil. She nodded along as she wrote down my description. I told her I was worried about her because she had wet herself twice. She looked up at me then.

“You said she got the chocolate out of your purse?”

“Yes.”

“Was there anything else in there she could have eaten?”

My heart sunk to my stomach. Was there? Did I leave my allergy pills in the bag too? I thought about it for a second before I answered.

“No,” I told her, “My allergy pills were on the counter, so I know she didn’t get that. There was nothing else in there but the chocolate.”

“Are you sure,” she asked again.

I nodded.

“There was nothing else she could have gotten out of your purse,” she prodded again.

“No.” I told her.

 I had put the bottle of allergy pills on the counter that morning, for sure there was nothing else she could have eaten. I had my wallet, keys, and water in there. They were still there when I checked.

She looked at me sternly then, “So your dog didn’t eat marijuana?”

Um— what?

“I’m sorry?”

“Marijuana, you sure she didn’t get it out your purse,” she said flatly.

“I’m positive she didn’t eat Marijuana out of my purse,” I spit, “Cause I didn’t have Marijuana in my purse. It’s kind of illegal.”

What kind of interrogation was this? Did she get Marijuana out of someone’s purse?

“I just have to ask,” she told me, “It’s more common then you think. A lot of dogs eat their owners Marijuana and when they do, they can’t hold their bladder, so they wet themselves.”

Stunned wasn’t if the word for it.

“Well,” I said calmly, “we don’t do that.”

“Okay,” she said, “I’ll have the doctor come in to look at her.”

She left me standing there with my mouth gaping open. I looked down at Belle who was sitting there by my husband.

“Do you see what you’ve caused?” I asked her, pointing at the door. “I’ve been accused of illegal drugs because of your poor choices and lack of self-control!”

She wagged her tail happily while my husband giggled.

​Oh, it’s all a joke until someone goes to jail! 
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