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Summer Of The Wasp

4/26/2020

Summer was in full swing, the flowers had bloomed, the air was warm, the days were long, and— the wasps were back. The tiny bringers of fear and pain. I didn’t mind them if they stayed away from me. I didn’t mess with them; they don’t mess with me. This particular year, they either didn’t get the memo or didn’t care.

Every time I stepped outside my door; one would swoop down at me. After about the tenth time of ducking, running, and screaming, I realized they had built a nest right above my door. Nope. They had to go.

My husband, bless his heart, volunteered to go knock the nest down. He had the kind of courage I only dreamed about, but I did feel guilty. He’d be out there, all by himself. It was him against a whole gang of wasps. I decided to toughen up and go out there to be his moral support. That was it, though. I couldn’t offer anymore. I’d stand at a distance and encourage him. If he got stung, he was on his own. If they got after him, I couldn’t help him. The best I could do was encourage him to run.

That’s marriage for you.

I sucked it up and stepped outside onto the porch, FAR away from the nest. My husband set the ladder up and began climbing it to get to the nest. I thought I was going to throw up. But wouldn’t you know, the few wasps that did exit the nest flew completely over him and straight to me!

“If they come toward you don’t run. They won’t hurt you.” My husband called.

First of all, I thought there would be no lies in this marriage.

I planted my feet firmly and stood there as one made a circle around me. It dove at me once and shot back up before it touched me. I did okay, I had a full tank of courage in me today. The second time it dove at me, I decided I had things to live for and I jerked away. Huh, that tank was smaller than I thought. Oh, it was on then. It smelled fear. It dove at me a third time and I began running in circles, screaming, and swatting. It was right behind me the entire time.

My husband, who hadn’t even reached the nest yet, climbed back down and shooed it away. It flew off and left me to wallow in my shameful insecurities. Little prick.

“Just stand there,” my husband told me again, “They won’t mess with you if you don’t run.”

Yeah, okay. Couldn’t we just burn the house down? He climbed the ladder for a second time and was right at the nest when this little so-n-so came back. This time, it dove right for my face. Instinctively I drew back to get away from it. It was out for blood. Mine. It torpedoed towards my face again, I pulled back away from it, squealing. I heard my husband yelling at me to be still. We’re way past that now. My back was against the railing of the porch, every time it would swoop down at me, I’d lean a little farther back over the rail.

My husband was yelling at me now. Probably because it was a one story drop if I fell backwards off the porch. This thing just kept coming, buzzing in my face. All I could do was scream and lean farther back. When my husband reached me, it flew off again.

“Get inside the house,” my husband insisted, “I’m going to get stung trying to watch out for you.”

“Okay!”

I bolted for the door and slammed it shut. Fine. Fine! You don’t want my help, you won’t get it. See if I offer you my moral support again. I watched as my husband climbed right up to the top of that ladder and in one swift motion, knocked the nest down. They began flying but not at him, just around. He climbed down, folded up his ladder and began walking towards the door. It was almost sickening how easy that was for him.

I’ll be honest, I thought about locking the door.

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The Time I Was Forgotten

4/19/2020

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I had just pulled up to one of my favorite sandwich places, I had ordered my regular and was now at the window ready to pay. The girl opened the drive thru window and smiled at me.

“That will be $11.24.”

I handed her my debit card; she slid it and gave me my receipt.

“It will be right out.”

It wasn’t. I sat there for a while, I wasn’t particularly upset, but I was beginning to wonder what was going on. Cars were beginning to pile up behind me in the drive thru. Then she appeared again. I could hardly wait for her to give me my food so I could go eat. She opened the window again and smiled at me.

“That will be $9.04.”

Without thinking, I reached down and grabbed my wallet.

“What a minute,” I said, glancing back up at her, “I’ve already paid.”

What was she trying to pull? She seemed confused.

“Did you not just order the chicken sandwich,” she asked.

“No, I ordered the club with a side.”

She looked back at her computer. Her eyes widen in shock as she realized what was happening.

“Oh my gosh,” she yelled, “I’ll go get your sandwich.”

She slammed the window shut and ran off. She had forgotten me! It a matter of a couple minutes, I was erased from her memory.

So that’s what that feels like. Huh.

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The Easter Bunny

4/12/2020

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On Easter Sunday, I found myself teaching children’s church. I had planned the lesson, snacks, and activities; followed by an egg hunt. All the children rushed into the classroom at once with their Easter baskets, ready to get the class started. They were all eager to get to the egg hunt. I began collecting Easter baskets from each student, placing them on a shelf next to me in order to keep the kids focused on the lesson and not the left-over candy I was sure that was hidden in there.

One little boy handed me his Easter bucket wrapped in a grocery bag. I thought it was odd at the time, but all the kids had begun yelling and I had to get the class started. I added his bucket to the ones on the shelf.

I was halfway through the Easter story in Matthew when that same Easter bucket with the grocery bag wrapped around it, fell off the shelf. I stopped reading and looked down at it. I had placed it securely on the shelf, there was no reason for it to fall. I looked at it for a moment before I bent down to pick it up.

My fingers had just brushed the tip of the bag, when something shot out of it. It launched itself between my legs, under my dress, disappearing behind me.

One of the rules of the class was to use our quiet voices because the sanctuary was right on the other side of the wall. That way we didn’t disrupt the service. I screamed like I was at camp Crystal Lake. All the kids popped up out of their seats to see what had happened.

I stumbled forward away from the bucket, trying to save myself from whatever fate lay behind me. I glanced over at the kids to make sure something wasn’t eating them alive; they were all looking at me like I had lost my mind.

I learned then that my rule didn’t matter, no one came to check on us. Thanks. I was in this thing by myself, me between whatever this thing was and the kids. I never thought I’d would end like this.

Finally, I looked down to see a little gray bunny sitting there looking up at me. He looked up at me as if to say, “Alright lady, keep it together. We’re all going to get through this.”

I was genuinely confused (and a little scarred). How did this bunny get into the building, how did it get into this kid’s bucket?

“That’s my bunny,” the same little boy stood up out of his seat and pointed to it, “I brought him to church today.”

My chest hurt. Thanks for the heads-up kid. I scooped up our new Easter bunny and put him in a large bin for the rest of class, where he enjoyed some carrots and lettuce while he listening to the Easter story.

Please enjoy the Easter story my friends, Happy Easter.

Luke 24
24 Now upon the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain others with them.
2 And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre.
3 And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus.
4 And it came to pass, as they were much perplexed thereabout, behold, two men stood by them in shining garments:
5 And as they were afraid, and bowed down their faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead?
6 He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee,
7 Saying, The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.
8 And they remembered his words,
9 And returned from the sepulchre, and told all these things unto the eleven, and to all the rest.
10 It was Mary Magdalene and Joanna, and Mary the mother of James, and other women that were with them, which told these things unto the apostles.
11 And their words seemed to them as idle tales, and they believed them not.
12 Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre; and stooping down, he beheld the linen clothes laid by themselves, and departed, wondering in himself at that which was come to pass.
13 And, behold, two of them went that same day to a village called Emmaus, which was from Jerusalem about threescore furlongs.
14 And they talked together of all these things which had happened.
15 And it came to pass, that, while they communed together and reasoned, Jesus himself drew near, and went with them.
16 But their eyes were holden that they should not know him.
17 And he said unto them, What manner of communications are these that ye have one to another, as ye walk, and are sad?
18 And the one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answering said unto him, Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days?
19 And he said unto them, What things? And they said unto him, Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people:
20 And how the chief priests and our rulers delivered him to be condemned to death, and have crucified him.
21 But we trusted that it had been he which should have redeemed Israel: and beside all this, to day is the third day since these things were done.
22 Yea, and certain women also of our company made us astonished, which were early at the sepulchre;
23 And when they found not his body, they came, saying, that they had also seen a vision of angels, which said that he was alive.
24 And certain of them which were with us went to the sepulchre, and found it even so as the women had said: but him they saw not.
25 Then he said unto them, O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken:
26 Ought not Christ to have suffered these things, and to enter into his glory?
27 And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself.
28 And they drew nigh unto the village, whither they went: and he made as though he would have gone further.
29 But they constrained him, saying, Abide with us: for it is toward evening, and the day is far spent. And he went in to tarry with them.
30 And it came to pass, as he sat at meat with them, he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them.
31 And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight.
32 And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures?
33 And they rose up the same hour, and returned to Jerusalem, and found the eleven gathered together, and them that were with them,
34 Saying, The Lord is risen indeed, and hath appeared to Simon.
35 And they told what things were done in the way, and how he was known of them in breaking of bread.
36 And as they thus spake, Jesus himself stood in the midst of them, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.
37 But they were terrified and affrighted, and supposed that they had seen a spirit.
38 And he said unto them, Why are ye troubled? and why do thoughts arise in your hearts?
39 Behold my hands and my feet, that it is I myself: handle me, and see; for a spirit hath not flesh and bones, as ye see me have.
40 And when he had thus spoken, he shewed them his hands and his feet.
41 And while they yet believed not for joy, and wondered, he said unto them, Have ye here any meat?
42 And they gave him a piece of a broiled fish, and of an honeycomb.
43 And he took it, and did eat before them.
44 And he said unto them, These are the words which I spake unto you, while I was yet with you, that all things must be fulfilled, which were written in the law of Moses, and in the prophets, and in the psalms, concerning me.
45 Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures,
46 And said unto them, Thus it is written, and thus it behooved Christ to suffer, and to rise from the dead the third day:
47 And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.
48 And ye are witnesses of these things.
49 And, behold, I send the promise of my Father upon you: but tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem, until ye be endued with power from on high.
50 And he led them out as far as to Bethany, and he lifted up his hands, and blessed them.
51 And it came to pass, while he blessed them, he was parted from them, and carried up into heaven.
52 And they worshipped him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy:
53 And were continually in the temple, praising and blessing God. Amen.

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Dog Fingers

4/5/2020

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The waiter had just made it to the table to take our order. I listened while everyone put in their order, quesadillas, tacos, etc. I had never been there before and I wasn’t a fan of spicy food, so call me a wimp, when the waiter got to me, I ordered something safer.

“I’ll have the chicken fingers.”

It’s a slam dunk. It simple, it’s easy, it’s cheap. I’ll be in and out in no time. The waiter smiled at me and nodded as if she understood my whole thought process.

“Oh,” she said, “dog fingers, okay.”

Wait a minute. She began to scribble on her notebook.

“No, no,” I spoke, “I want chicken fingers.”

I felt a little silly, there was no way I heard her right.

“Yes,” she agreed, “you want the dog fingers.”

No, I don’t want dog fingers! What is that? At this point, T leaned over me to listen to the lady, just to make sure she was hearing it right too.

“No ma’am, I don’t want dog fingers. I want chicken.”

There was some sort of miscommunication, but I couldn’t tell if it were on my end or hers.

“You want the chicken fingers,” she said again.

“Yes.”

Finally, she understood.

“So, dog fingers?”

Why me?

“No! No, I don’t want dog.”

“Don’t worry,” she assured me, “I know what you want.”

I was a little worried, I’m going to be honest. She took our menus and our order to the back. I sat there nodding my head in silence, there’s no way she’d bring me dog, right? A few minutes past by and the more I thought about it, the queasier I got. When she walked by our table again, I stopped her.

“I’m so sorry,” I told her, “but are you saying dog?”

The last thing I wanted was to be is a pest, she was busy, the restaurant was full, but this was something that needed to be cleared up soon. Dog wasn’t even on their menu. Trust me, I checked.

“Yes,” she told me.

I could see she knew there was something off but didn’t know how to fix it.

“I promise,” she assured me, “they’re the same thing.”

I wish I could have seen my face. I shook my head slowly; I was definitely missing something.

“No, those aren’t the same thing.”

She put her finger up, signaling me to give her a minute. She ran off to the back. At this point, I was really worried about what she was coming back with.

It wasn’t even a minute before she returned and handed me a napkin, on it, she had written the word 'adult'.

“This is what I mean,” she told me.

“Adult?” I said out loud.

“Yes,” she nodded, “Adult chicken fingers.”

It then all came crashing together.

“You mean and adult size order of chicken fingers?” I asked her.

“Yes!”

She was so relieved I got it.

“I couldn’t say that word.” She admitted.

For Pete sake.

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Summer Of The Wasp

The Time I Was Forgotten

The Easter Bunny

Dog Fingers

From My Pen

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